my query letter

Every aspiring author knows the trials and tribulations of writing the query letter — the cold call pitch to a literary agent in the hope they’ll see your brilliance and want to represent you. 

I sent 198 queries (for 3 different books), and I tweaked my letter probably 190 times.                               

This is the version I sent to Juliet Mushens. You can check out my Blog - How I Got a Book Deal Part Two - to see how the subsequent sequence of events unfolded.

Dear Juliet,

I am seeking representation for my darkly humorous crime manuscript, THE RETIREMENT PLAN. I’m reaching out to you because I’m a fan of Richard Osman’s work, and although my novel is quite different from The Thursday Murder Club series, I think there’s a similar sensibility and hope it may find a spot on your list.

It’s Ocean’s 11 meets Bad Sisters.

Some retirement plans you don’t discuss with your accountant.

THE RETIREMENT PLAN is complete at 89,000 words. It will appeal to those who enjoy reading about seemingly normal people who do the unthinkable, as found in HOW TO KILL YOUR FAMILY by Bella Mackie, as well as propulsive, multi POV plots as in APPLES NEVER FALL by Liane Moriarty. It explores the idea that marriages require maintenance —even in their twilight years. The story is told from four POV’s – a wife, her husband, their hitman, and the husband’s boss.

Pam and Hank have been tight with three other couples for thirty years. They should all be retiring, but they can’t afford to since the husbands’ bad investment torpedoed their retirement funds. Now they’re trapped in marriages that have withered from blame, shame, and financial strain. But everything changes when one husband dies in a horrific accident.

The surviving wives are shocked to see his widow rebound with insurance money and new hair extensions. When they realize the only thing standing between them and their own beachfront retirement condo, is their husbands, they hire the nefarious, neighborhood barber—reputed to do ‘a bit of this and a bit of that’— to kill them, unaware the husbands have already engaged him for a job of their own.

The husbands have a secret. To salvage their marriages, they started their own retirement plan and they’ve been running a theft scheme at the casino where two of them work —based on true events of a Florida case. They are only weeks away from reaching their $10 million goal, surprising their wives, and retiring. But now, they’re afraid the new casino boss is on to them, and their buddy’s death wasn’t an accident at all—but a murder and a message.

The husbands scramble to stay alive, but they may not be fast enough to outmaneuver both the casino and their wives.

I’m a TV Producer who left the daunting hours of morning television for music and variety specials. I live in Toronto with my husband, and my three sons’ bedrooms full of the stuff they left behind when they moved out. I’ve adopted a middle-aged, scruffy rescue dog named Kramer. He came for six weeks and never left. One of my best life decisions yet.

As per your guidelines please find attached a synopsis and the first 15,000 words. I hope you enjoy these pages and I’m happy to send the full manuscript if you would like to take a look.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Sue Hincenbergs